Mormon Diaries Blog Tour!!!

I am happy to be able to participate in this blog tour, though I apologize that this post is more standard issue than my usual blathering silliness. Great deal going on right now, and so I'm running low on steam. So without further ado, I give you some lovely Q&A with the author of the Mormon Diaries, Sophia Stone along with blurbs and publishing information linkies below.

Some Q & A with Sophia Stone:

1)  What does the ornament on the cover stand for?

      As a child I was taught that the only way I could experience true joy was by living the Gospel of Jesus Christ as found in Mormonism. The ornament is symbolic of that joy. Or, more particularly, what I feared I'd lose if I ever stopped believing in The Church.

2) Why did you hid your faith struggles from those closest to you?

     I was afraid my faithful Mormon family and friends would think me either prideful or influenced by Satan if I admitted to doubting The Church. There's a common phrase faithful Latter-day Saints use to explain away uncomfortable issue: "The Church is true. The people are not." Those who leave the church are often labeled as angry, easily offended, prideful, lazy, or deceived. There's no good reason to doubt, no good reason to question, no good reason to stop believing. Faith yields loyalty and obedience.

3)  How do you build relationships with people who think you are broken?

    Oh, man, I wish I knew. Honestly, it depends on how important their Mormonism is to their identity. Those who are capable of accepting my brokenness without trying to fix it are easier to have relationships with than those who work extra hard to fix me.

4)  How has writing about your struggles helped you?

    There's a saying that writing is cheaper than therapy and I can attest to that. There's no time limit on how long I can type away on my keyboard when I'm having a bad day. I don't have to worry about the paper judging me. Plus, it's helped me to put things into prospective.

5)  What kinds of reactions have you had from your Mormon author friends?

    This has been similar to my family response - lots of condemnation, lots of avoidance, lots of judgement, and lots of gratitude. Yes, I know, it seems odd that I'd hear gratitude from LDS author friends who are faithful to the church. But apparently there are people who struggle in silence, unable to tell a soul how they feel without losing those most dear to them. That's the reason the Disaffected Mormon Underground (DAMU) exists. It fills a palpable need.

6) Who should read your book?

    Anyone who wants to understand Mormonism. Please don't misread that to mean my book is factually perfect. It's not. It's based on my experience, and everyone's reality is different. But I stand by my claim that people who leave Mormonism are often in an isolating place. It's hard for an orthodox believer to understand why anyone would leave. It's hard for those who've never been Mormon to understand why leaving is such a big deal. To both these groups, I'd say, "Please read this!" Understanding is vital.

Below is a little bit about Mormon Diaries, and what people are saying about it:

The Book

Brought up in a religious home, Sophia believes the only way to have a forever family is by following church leaders and obediently choosing the right. She goes to the right school, marries the right man in the right place, and does the right thing by staying home to raise her children. But when she starts asking questions about grace, love, and the nature of God, she realizes her spiritual struggles could rip her family apart.

The Blurbs

“Sophia Stone has a fine eye and a searching heart. Her story of growing up in and reaching through her Mormonism for a deeper, more authentic spirituality reflects all the ways that religion can both keep us satisfied with easy answers and push us to more difficult and complicated realizations. We need a hundred more books like this one . . . “ –Joanna Brooks, author of The Book of Mormon Girl

“Sophia Stone captured my attention from the beginning. This collection of personal essays, about questioning the legitimacy of Mormonism after having faith in the religion for the first 30-something years of her life, is not just a controversial quake to a reader’s heart and soul. Stone’s voice is brave, bold and intriguing. And surprisingly relatable to someone who is not religious.”—Jessica Bell, author of String Bridge

And here's a link to the book trailer:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZcNOrGWtR0c&feature=youtu.be

And where you can buy Mormon Diaries:

Barnes and Noble:

http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/mormon-diaries-sophia-l-stone/1112764678?ean=9781477548059

Amazon

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0096BFE5K/ref=s9_simh_gw_p351_d0_i1?pf_rd_m=ATVPDKIKX0DER&pf_rd_s=center-2&pf_rd_r=1RS2CC2KXK5GPC1A4X8V&pf_rd_t=101&pf_rd_p=1389517282&pf_rd_i=507846

Questions, questions, and not an answer in sight....

So I've been back from my vacation for two weeks (TWO WEEKS?!?!?!) and I've totally failed to get a post up. There are multiple reasons for this, some of them valid, some not.

Mostly, the reason I haven't managed to post, is because I've been really working hard on a new project (one which, in unusual fashion) doesn't even have a working title yet) and I'm having trouble fracturing myself and my time between writing and anything else. Of course, working on a new project is AWESOME. Except, at the moment, it's sort of not.

See, I've arrived at this strange point in which I find myself questioning EVERY LITTLE THING I write. I'm not talking 'oh, why would they run into the gaping mouth of a dragon, I guess I'd better come up with a good reason for that to happen' sort of questioning, either. I'm talking 'I know where this story is going, what it's going to say, who it's going to follow and what they're going to go through, but does anyone out there want to know what happens? Will anyone anywhere ever care?' sort of questioning things.

It isn't good for moral. I know that the number one piece of advice that everyone is going to give me is 'Push through it.' I KNOW THIS. I should be able to push right through. But it's not always that easy. I've always been able to laugh at myself in my life when things turned out 'differently' for me than they did for other people.

I was never asked to prom. Never really cared if I got asked or not. Went with a friend one year. Went with my dad (yeah, you heard that right, I am SUCH a Daddy's girl, so he walked me down the 'Senior Walk' for my senior prom. And believe it or not, I've had girls tell me since, that they wish they'd gotten their dads to do it too) And both at the time, and looking back, I always laughed. Made jokes that I'd be that I'd be 'that girl' who carried her man over the threshold. Etc and so forth.

I didn't go to college, and I still live at home. When I chose not to go (and instead to work here on the farm) and never moved out, I had to deal with the stigmas that went with having no college education and living with ones parents. I laughed at all the associated jokes and even made up some (when my dad introduces me to a stranger and they ask where I live, he tells them that I'm the loyal daughter who's going to push him around in his wheelchair, to which I always add 'and maybe down the stairs') Fast forward to now, and more than one friend has graduated college, gotten 'good, real' jobs that they've hated and quite and several have moved back home to save money while others have lost parents and wish they'd stayed longer and enjoyed them while they could.

In short, there are a lot of things I've done in life that most people don't consider 'successful' but that I don't regret because I'm happy and those around me are happy. I've never cared about 'almost' making it, or 'almost' winning something or 'almost' being the best because I was always happy with what I accomplished. And, in truth, it never crossed my mind that I COULDN'T make it, or win it, or be the best. Eventually.

Which leads me to now. And my ever-growing list of agents who have told me that my writing is 'almost' good enough for them to offer, 'almost' different enough to be super catchy and marketable 'almost' awesome enough to be snapped up. I understand how great it is to get any personal feedback. I really REALLY do. But it doesn't turn something that's 'almost' good enough into something that 'IS' good enough. I don't want this to come across as a ranty, whiny post. I'm just trying to articulate my very convoluted feelings on where I am in my writing journey at the moment.

When I first started getting 'almost' rejections, I was elated. People liked my writing enough to comment on it. And I squirreled away every single word, analyzed it and utilized it (sometimes getting second opinions to be sure it was sound info, not personal tastes) and my writing improved by leaps and bounds. I kept writing new stuff. Stuff that was better than the first project that garnered so much attention. Aaaand, I got almost (in comparison) no interest. Lots of form rejections. I stopped querying everything, and went to work revising, both projects, entirely rewriting a lot of the first one. I started querying again. Got several requests for the first (dystopian) and several requests for the second (contemporary) all of which ended in rejections.

The thing is, except for one rejection from an editor, which listed several issues concisely, all of the rejections listed things like 'dystopian is a hard sell right now' (right after glowing compliments on my writing) and 'Nineteen is older than I like for YA' (which must be code for something other issue because I could (and would) change a guy from 19 to 18 with only minor tweaking if it meant a possible agent, and that agent didn't offer that suggestion) or 'insert reason that doesn't have anything to do with the quality/marketability of my writing' rather than reasons that I can understand and utilize to continue improving my writing.

Which leaves me where I am. Questioning everything. Again, I know I'm not suppose to do that. But seriously, it's hard not to. And it's getting to be like a worn out joke. That girl who's ALMOST gotten an agent like two dozen times. That girl who writes stories that are ALMOST good enough to get published. So every time I write something, I find myself looking at it and thinking 'But is it worth my time? Will other people care about these characters? Will readers like a girl with red hair? Will they like characters who's name starts with 'R'? Will they think my bad guy is bad enough? Will they be repulsed if he's TOO bad?' because, honestly, some small region in my brain keeps telling me that it has to be something that insignificant that got me rejected, and even though I try to squash such notion, another part of my brain knows it really is possible that some rejections are just that silly. Which is where that infuriating term 'subjective' comes in.

Agents get SO many submissions, I have no doubt that if they read one which is good on all fronts but who has a mc who snorts when they laugh which the agent finds SUPER annoying, and then they read another one which is GREAT in some areas, but needs work in others, but has the BEST SIDEKICK EVER whom the agent adores, and the agent is forced to choose between the two manuscripts, they're going to choose the second one. Because hey, you can fix spelling and word count, but who can pass up a sidekick like that? Clearly the world needs to meet that sidekick. Meanwhile, the first ms is 'right' and likeable, but... well, if you find yourself saying 'but' then obviously, your heart is with that sidekick even though the ms needs work.

Does any of this make sense? I'm not eloquent like Kristin Cashore. She can write a post about something she's struggling with and it's just so damn pretty you want to read it over and over. I blather. In this case, there are so many things flying around my brain about this subject that I if I stood up right now, I'd probably walk into a plate glass window like a bird who's direction has been garbled.

The end result to all of this frustrated questioning and evaluating and hair rending is that I'm afraid now, that if I don't keep writing in every spare moment, I'm going to convince myself that this story is destined to be just 'almost' good enough and I'll stop writing on it. Already I've got several WIPs in varying states which I've temporarily abandoned for this very reason (one dystopian, one contemporary with fantasy elements and one contemporary) and I'm afraid this newest WIP will suffer the same.

Here's some parting questions though: If you got many 'almost' rejections on two vastly different works, with no definitive reason that you can address, how do you change your writing so that it surpasses 'almost'? Do you try to write something entirely different? Do you try to rework those 'almost' stories over and over? Do you push the boundaries of acceptable subjects and go for something way 'out there' in subject matter? Do you just keep writing exactly as you have been and just hope that the two dozen 'almost' rejections were all coincidences and there's no way all of those agents were bothered by something about your writing that they couldn't articulate?

Into the Sunset...

So, I've been lax about posting. Not because I haven't wanted to, but because life has been very busy and somewhat stressful recently, and posting on the blog was one of the things that fell by the wayside.

But there have been good things in amidst the craziness and stress.

I've got two manuscripts with editors. This is both exciting (they might like it!) and terrifying (they might like it!) for me, but I don't expect to hear back for some time, so I can pretend like the manuscripts haven't gone anywhere.

We now have another donkey. She's even smaller than JD was, and is somewhat of a rescue case, as the people who had her loved her, but had neglected to get her feet properly trimmed in over a year. Those of you who know about horses can imagine the 'elf slippers' she had, those who don't know what this looks like will be shocked when I post photos. The donkey has been dubbed Francesca, Fran for short. My niece Walelu is already enamored of her. Her feet were trimmed today, and though we're cautious because of the possible complications involved with such foot neglect, we're optimistic that Fran will be just fine.

And, finally, I'M ABOUT TO GO ON VACATION!!! Yes, that deserved all caps. It really did.

This Sat. I will fly out to Colorado, where dear friends will then haul me through multiple states in a camping, ranching, hiking extravaganza of fun, which will also involve Yellowstone National Park, among other adventures. TWO WEEKS of supreme escapism. I will, of course, be dragging my notebook along to write by campfire-light and in case of rainy days. I'll also have my phone, which sadly seems to be waning (I'm hanging on for the new i-phone 5) and my computer. But I imagine that both the phone and computer will be shoved under a car seat somewhere, mostly forgotten.

So if I'm not around, it's because I've hiked off into the sunset, searching for places other people haven't found. I'll find my way home eventually, not to worry. But I'll enjoy being missing while I'm gone.