Tentatively Moving Forward.

So. Here I am. Still. And yet, I'm not here in the same way.

It's been so long since I posted that I can't even remember what, exactly, the last post involved. But that's okay. I'll just move on without backtracking. Sort of like life. You can linger and stare longingly at the past, but you can never go  back there (unless the Doctor shows up, and then you're still likely to screw things up if you try and change them in major ways) and so it's better to just move forward. Or sideways. Or in diagonal little squiggles. The point, my dear, is not to stand still while the world is moving around you. Not unless you're  stand still so you can smell a luscious rose, or smile at a child.

I am moving in all sorts of directions at once right now. And I'm not sure that any of them are the way that I ought to be moving. But I'm going in them, just the same. Eventually, out of the chaos, will form a path, and then I'll know which way to head.

I have several queries in the wind. Something I've done far too little of in the last months, and not because I was revising, but because I couldn't handle the rejections, should they come. So for the sake of my emotions, I took a break. Now I find that I am so far into this emotional turmoil that, as Robert Frost observed, The Best Way Out Is Always Through, and so I have begun sending out queries again. Just three, so far. But I'm making a list of other agents and will soon send out more.

Outside the writing world, things are in a constant state of flux. The farm is not the same and never will be. We've placed many of the horses in homes. And once those that will be going to live with various staff members leave, we will be dangerously close to single digit numbers. Which means that in the not so distant future, we will all be looking for new places to work, and new adventures on which to embark.

I do not want to leave. But even if I stayed, I would just end up being the only thing left. That's the way life is. Sometimes you leave a place or time, or group of people. But sometimes they leave you, and no matter how much you don't want them to go, they do, because for whatever reason, things change.

So here I am, hoarding pennies and fearfully exploring the idea of being who I am, in a place that isn't here. I have some leads on work. I do not fear not finding a new job. I fear everything else.

But when the dust settles, I wager you'll still find me sitting here, even if here happens to be someplace else.

A Post About Posts I Hope To Write Soon...

It's been closing in on two months since I last posted. I know this. I'm struggling to fix the problem. A great deal has transpired in those almost-two-months. Some of it good: Sirens! Some of it bad: The indomitable Mrs. Hitchcock (whom I've worked for for the last 13 years) has departed this realm to raise Paso Finos in the afterlife, and the farm is in flux.

It's all a lot to take in. My writing has been only a flickering candle in the shadows of life. More rewriting that creating. But I'll take every little bit of happiness I can find. Queries are at a standstill right now. I'm working, though, to get some out into the world soon. Contests have been completely forgotten. I'm stalking a few of those now too, but I'm being careful not to get too involved with them because right now doing nothing is much less stressful, in some ways, than trying and failing.

So, in the future, I hope to write some posts about everything that's happened, both the good and the bad. Bear with me. I don't want to lose this form of connection, but sometimes, the cyber world must be supplanted by the more immediate world. I'm still on Facebook, as it's terribly easy to just drop in and throw out a status rather than write an articulate post. But I do intend to reappear here. Until then, take care everyone.

Mormon Diaries Blog Tour!!!

I am happy to be able to participate in this blog tour, though I apologize that this post is more standard issue than my usual blathering silliness. Great deal going on right now, and so I'm running low on steam. So without further ado, I give you some lovely Q&A with the author of the Mormon Diaries, Sophia Stone along with blurbs and publishing information linkies below.

Some Q & A with Sophia Stone:

1)  What does the ornament on the cover stand for?

      As a child I was taught that the only way I could experience true joy was by living the Gospel of Jesus Christ as found in Mormonism. The ornament is symbolic of that joy. Or, more particularly, what I feared I'd lose if I ever stopped believing in The Church.

2) Why did you hid your faith struggles from those closest to you?

     I was afraid my faithful Mormon family and friends would think me either prideful or influenced by Satan if I admitted to doubting The Church. There's a common phrase faithful Latter-day Saints use to explain away uncomfortable issue: "The Church is true. The people are not." Those who leave the church are often labeled as angry, easily offended, prideful, lazy, or deceived. There's no good reason to doubt, no good reason to question, no good reason to stop believing. Faith yields loyalty and obedience.

3)  How do you build relationships with people who think you are broken?

    Oh, man, I wish I knew. Honestly, it depends on how important their Mormonism is to their identity. Those who are capable of accepting my brokenness without trying to fix it are easier to have relationships with than those who work extra hard to fix me.

4)  How has writing about your struggles helped you?

    There's a saying that writing is cheaper than therapy and I can attest to that. There's no time limit on how long I can type away on my keyboard when I'm having a bad day. I don't have to worry about the paper judging me. Plus, it's helped me to put things into prospective.

5)  What kinds of reactions have you had from your Mormon author friends?

    This has been similar to my family response - lots of condemnation, lots of avoidance, lots of judgement, and lots of gratitude. Yes, I know, it seems odd that I'd hear gratitude from LDS author friends who are faithful to the church. But apparently there are people who struggle in silence, unable to tell a soul how they feel without losing those most dear to them. That's the reason the Disaffected Mormon Underground (DAMU) exists. It fills a palpable need.

6) Who should read your book?

    Anyone who wants to understand Mormonism. Please don't misread that to mean my book is factually perfect. It's not. It's based on my experience, and everyone's reality is different. But I stand by my claim that people who leave Mormonism are often in an isolating place. It's hard for an orthodox believer to understand why anyone would leave. It's hard for those who've never been Mormon to understand why leaving is such a big deal. To both these groups, I'd say, "Please read this!" Understanding is vital.

Below is a little bit about Mormon Diaries, and what people are saying about it:

The Book

Brought up in a religious home, Sophia believes the only way to have a forever family is by following church leaders and obediently choosing the right. She goes to the right school, marries the right man in the right place, and does the right thing by staying home to raise her children. But when she starts asking questions about grace, love, and the nature of God, she realizes her spiritual struggles could rip her family apart.

The Blurbs

“Sophia Stone has a fine eye and a searching heart. Her story of growing up in and reaching through her Mormonism for a deeper, more authentic spirituality reflects all the ways that religion can both keep us satisfied with easy answers and push us to more difficult and complicated realizations. We need a hundred more books like this one . . . “ –Joanna Brooks, author of The Book of Mormon Girl

“Sophia Stone captured my attention from the beginning. This collection of personal essays, about questioning the legitimacy of Mormonism after having faith in the religion for the first 30-something years of her life, is not just a controversial quake to a reader’s heart and soul. Stone’s voice is brave, bold and intriguing. And surprisingly relatable to someone who is not religious.”—Jessica Bell, author of String Bridge

And here's a link to the book trailer:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZcNOrGWtR0c&feature=youtu.be

And where you can buy Mormon Diaries:

Barnes and Noble:

http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/mormon-diaries-sophia-l-stone/1112764678?ean=9781477548059

Amazon

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0096BFE5K/ref=s9_simh_gw_p351_d0_i1?pf_rd_m=ATVPDKIKX0DER&pf_rd_s=center-2&pf_rd_r=1RS2CC2KXK5GPC1A4X8V&pf_rd_t=101&pf_rd_p=1389517282&pf_rd_i=507846