Saturday, November 6, 2010

First Cup...

As I sit here typing this, I'm drinking my first cup of coffee in roughly four days. No, I didn't feel a sudden need to cleanse myself of the glorious sludge known as caffeine... I got sick and couldn't drink coffee. I couldn't drink anything but water, actually. Eating didn't go any better. But here I am, just the same, no discernible weight loss, on the mend and suffering only a mild withdrawal from the pain meds they had me on for the sore throat. That's right, I managed to find a virus who's only primary symptom was a sore throat so extreme that standard treatment involved Codeine and Codeine cough syrup taken in combination. Yeah, I might as well have been stuffed into a titanium canister and blasted into space for the last four days. I can't even say that I got any inspiration from whacky dream-type delusions because if any of them were cool... I don't remember. In fact, I'm still setting things down to my left like, I don't know, my left hand, and losing them for half an hour while I look to the right for where they got to. Yes, I don't do pain meds very often...


But there's an upside to all of the drugged-out sickness. It's like hitting 'reset' on the giant computer of life. All the files are a little hinky at first, but they're all there. You just just have to let them reorganize. Meanwhile, you get this chance to decide if you want them to be in the same order or if you want new files to take the lead. In my case, I came home from Sirens (check them out and sign up to go next year, I want to see you there) and the week after in Colorado and I was so deranged with excitement and the drive to 'get things done' in the writing sector of life, I was so spastic with the need to somehow get away from my current life and try to fast forward to the life I hope to get with my writing, that I got not much done anywhere at all. Well, I got several outlines done for what I hope will be an urban fantasy trilogy, and I did finish the rewrites of Evernow. But really, I did quite a bit of irrelevant, frivolous dithering. Then I got sick. And the world sort of stopped. It was nice, even nicer because it was out of my control, and I had no choice in the matter. Sometimes the powers that be see that you need your reset button whacked, whether or not YOU realize it.

While I was sick I did manage to:

Reread most of The Bones of Faerie. Love. Love. LOVE. This book. And now that I've met Janni, (she's like the coolest thing since sliced bread, no joke and SO MUCH FUN to be around... so is her husband, Larry) I love the book even more. If you haven't read BoF, and you have any love for dystopian, or Faerie, READ IT! Then head over to Janni's LJ page and tell her which minor character of BoF you'd like to know see more of, for a chance to win an ARC of FAERIE WINTER. I'm so stoked.

Write... sort of... Mostly, I made myself scratch something down on my current leading WIP, RED CHIEF, because I signed up for NaNoWriMo right before I got sick, and I refused to fold that quickly. I haven't read what I wrote yet *shudders at the thought* but at least pen hit paper a few times... if I remember correctly... oh dear...

Laid around with my cats. If you have a cat, you'll already know that all of my activities while ill - including trips to the bathroom - were chaperoned by the reigning authorities... my cats. I mean, seriously, they've put a lot of time into getting me properly trained, right? So they have to protect their investment by making sure that I can't actually fit down the bathtub drain...


Most importantly though, while I was sick, I let things go. I found a place where I can escape from panic over the idea that I might 'never make it' and will be 'trapped' where I am in life forever, a place where I can be at peace with the fact that I currently have no queries out, and be happy knowing that I'm 'going' to have them out, once I've gotten them as spit-polished as possible. I found a starting point again. A 'first cup' in my writing life. So when I finish my first cup of coffee and hit 'publish post' on this happy little blathering tangent, I'm going to go start writing on Red Chief... WITHOUT the intent of finishing it so I can start querying. I'm going to write it because I want to, because writing it makes me happy. Because that's what makes life worthwhile. Writing for the sake of writing. The rest will come in due time. Or it won't. I'll still be writing either way. And loving every minute of it.

8 comments:

  1. I love this post- it's amazing how something like being sick forces you to slow down and inventory your life. Sometimes it seems like somebody's there intervening, saying, "Hey there, take a break!" Hope you feel better! On a side note, this is my first cup of coffee in a week. I quit just to see how it would go. I was absolutely fine (okay, a little tired around 3:00 in the afternoon), but that first cup of coffee this morning tasted great. Like a new beginning :) Best of luck with Red Chief!

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  2. I completely agree. No matter what, I will continue to write because it's what I love to do. Glad you're on the mend:)

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  3. Oh how that last paragraph spoke to me!

    Christi Corbett

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  4. I'm sorry you've been sick. I think I'm coming to a similar decision myself. I though I could do the soul sucking job for as long as it took, but now I'm not sure I want to suffer this way.

    Good luck with everything and feel better.

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  5. Sounds like a great plan. The writing will be better when conceived in love.

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  6. A. Grey,
    As we discussed, the final paragraph of this post is now featured on my blog as today's "Writing Quote Friday".

    You've already gotten some really great comments.

    Thanks,
    Christi Corbett

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