Alright, now that I'm back into things, I'm cliff diving into them! The lovely Shannon over at Book Dreaming posted on this and she sucked me right into the excitement! Head on over to Lilah Pierce's and sign up!
I've decided to enter the last lines of the first chapter of one of my WIPs, Thornbriar: A Retelling of Beauty and the Beast.
I know they aren't the actual last lines of a book but I chose this because my YA is currently out to an agent and I don't want to be posting part of it while it's out.
Thornbriar: The end of Chapter One
Her father had received great riches for her hand in marriage, she knew, but exactly how much, she didn't know for sure. It must truly have been a King's ransom for him to acquiesce to the demands of a Beast. Of course, it was only right that her unequalled beauty be met by unequalled riches. But a Beast? All of Beauty's instincts cried for her to run away. To flee.
She could hardly do such a thing, however. Beast or not, she was honor-bound to marry the Woodlord. She would not dishonor herself by breaking the betrothal. Besides, she reasoned, even if the Beast was horrible to look on and wretchedly tempered, he still wouldn't have paid such a bride price only to kill her. Would he?
It seemed a foolish way to go about luring a young maiden to him, if that really was his plot. And even if the Beast did intend to kill her, she determined quickly that she would face her fate boldly and with grace. All her life she had been revered for her unearthly beauty. She would not be remembered for dying horribly and in an ugly fashion. Besides all that, perhaps it wouldn't be as bad as it seemed after all. Perhaps the Beast would be swayed by her beauty the way all others were.
"Oh my Lady Beauty," Selene whimpered, only once.
"Do hush!" Beauty cut her off in a venomous hiss. "I have not survived all the rogues of Court only to be vanquished by a Beast in the middle of nowhere!"
Saturday, May 1, 2010
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I truly was captivated by your writing. I would have only one suggestion. To make your words easier on the eye of the reader, break up your thick paragraphs into smaller, easier to digest visually ones.
ReplyDeleteOther than that, you have done a fantastic job. Come check out my entry if you're of a mind, Roland
Ooh - sounds exciting! You have a great voice and beautiful language.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the comments!
ReplyDeleteRoland, I went back and fuggled with my post. This is how it's originally written, as several smaller paragraphs like you suggested. I could NOT get it to post correctly earlier. So to avoid damaging the computer (technology vexes my soul so when it doesn't respond to my wants) I posted it as it was and went out and played in the dirt. Now that I'm calmer, I was able to get the post to show up as separate paragraphs, although I still failed to get them to indent...
I love the imagery and voice of this - great end to a first chapter. I'm so glad you joined the fun. :-)
ReplyDeleteBeauty & the Beast Buds!
ReplyDeleteI love how different the two obviously are, like you said. I would love to see the two standing together; see how they grow so differently from the same roots.
Well done. Lovely.
The voice is charming and unique, and it is the retelling of a classic - how could I fail to love it? Well done!
ReplyDeleteGreat entry, and thank you so much for participating!
ReplyDeleteBeauty sounds like a very tough chick. Nice last line there, she seems like a survivor, not just something pretty to look at. Great job.
ReplyDeletei love Beauty and the Beast stories. this one has me intrigued.
ReplyDeleteWhat a sassy girl! This is going to be quite an interesting story. Good work.
ReplyDelete........dhole