Some Things Never Leave You

I started out writing this because I'm trying to get back into writing blog posts on a sort of regular schedule. You know, because blogs are supposed to be good for writers trying to get their names out there. As long as you write first and blog later. Or whatever... Mostly my blog posts are blatherings. But that makes for a good outlet for me in many ways. And amusing for anyone who reads my posts.

Anyway, I digress.

I started out thinking I was going to come up with something funny or silly to write about. You know, something along the lines of my usual 'How the Donkey Ended up in the Backseat of the Car' kind of posts. But while I was staring at the screen going over recent events (a not-quite ear infection that's plaguing me, cat hijinks, snake wars, an exciting request for the full of Gone Missing Girl, etc.) what really stuck with me, were the things that do not change. No matter what goes on around you, some things never change. This might be a good thing, or a bad thing, depending precisely on what the 'thing' is. But even the fact that some things never change, is one of those things that never change.

The request for Gone Missing Girl was unexpected. I mean, I wanted to get the request, obviously, but the agent seems so hip, so up-and-coming and cutting edge. I had heard of her, and liked her, but had never queried her. When I read an interview featuring her in an agent spotlight, I had a moment of 'You've got to just go DO something' and right then and there I started serious agent-stalking, rather than admiring her from afar. Then I queried her. And within minutes, received a request for the full. This was one of those strangely brilliant and utterly terrifying all at once things. Now, of course, I'm afraid of my inbox. But such is life.

More importantly, all the kerfluffle surrounding the sending out a query/getting a request highlighted, once again for me, the fact that I will write until they pry the pen from my cold dead fingers. As much as I want to be published in the mainstream. As much as I want the books I've written to be out there in the world where they can be read by people, and affect people, what matters most to me is that I wrote them at all. It's what has always mattered most. It's the reason that when I was younger I'd tell my mom 'I can't go to the park today because I need to write.' Eventually she took me aside with concern and explained that I didn't 'need' to do anything. It was then that I understood that I 'needed' to write, not because I had to, but because writing was what made me happier than anything. That's when I knew I was a writer. Because being a writer is just something you are inside. Being a published author is a title you achieve, but being a writer is something you are regardless of whether your books are ever known to the public. And that never changes.

Well then, I managed to make this post all about writing, and not about anything depressing. But because I cannot help myself sometimes, in those moments when I'm alone and feel the emptiness where she used to be, I'm going to leave you with a picture of Di. Yes, I know. She's gone. But that's something else that never changes. Missing her. That pain never lessens, it just gets farther away. And sometime, it's not far off at all. Sometimes, inexplicably, I find it nestled right there against me, fresh and keenly brilliant all over again.

Now, off I go to get some writing done!